The Edge

I walk closer to the edge these days
Longing to feel the adrenaline,
The danger
Knowing all the while that nightmares could haunt my dreams again
That I could spend my time staring at the ceiling wishing I could sleep
That my time would be spent chasing unseen monsters
Scared of the comfort of my bed
Feeling more like a caged and tortured animal than human
But I know I'm human
And that this pain comes with the risks I take
And that admittance to the brotherhood demands these risks
So I take them, all the while, still fearful of the edge.

Remember

Footsteps echo in empty places
Yet this place is not empty
Haggard eyes watch from corners unseen
And burnt cigarettes are their only evidence
The bell tolls, from rotting timber
In a church long-forgotten
From a place long ago
The whispers of the dead speak to me
Tell me their story
The battles and wars and devastation
The unburied skeletons
Contorted with their last blows
Their strikes against the very heart of evil
Lie scattered in a graveyard
Like a funeral interrupted
The eyes follow my every move
Yet make none of their own
Their bodies are not present,
And never will be
For they are neither here nor there
Balanced on the knife edge of this world and the next
Watching and waiting for someone to remember

My Queen

My queen,
You turn your back on me
I fight for you,
Yet you,
You wouldn't die for me

Understand this
My sword kills for you
Sends those who wish you harm
To the cold dark depths below
As you sing your sweet song of bitter sorrow
And stare where your lover fell

I beg
Beg of you
Take me now
Don't you see my pain?
The very sweat upon my brow?
My blood has dripped for you
And yet you love him still

Beautiful
Dressed in black
Yet cruel in your intentions
Gorgeous
Men fall for you
And yet you love the dead

Nightmares and Insomnia on South Boulevard

I'm walking in the rain
Hoping the aspiration of the cool drops
Will help clear my head
Cars splash me
As I wander
Aimlessly

Your face haunts my dreams
Your death stains my hands,
With blood I never spilt
My pillow has become the terror
My sheets my straitjacket

Sleep has become the enemy
And my body longs to become a
Traitor to my mind. (a Benedict Arnold would do no better)
My demons, (of which you are)
Haunt me....cackling at my misery
Reaching their pitiful fingers out
Just for the chance to cause me pain

(physcologists muse) philosophers wonder
At the human mind
The blame we can produce
The blame I produce
Could kill me
and then I'd be the same as those (in literal and figurative sense)
Battered and bruised
In a war with the machine of death
Speedily consuming them and causing their demise

Just for me to find
Never tell me its their fault
I never even tried (help was impossible and improbable)
I hold back my tears and cry in the [silence]

As the light turns green and the soldiers march to war.

Oscillation

I can feel them
Their eyes bore into me
Their thoughts oscillating
With hate or love, but never
Somewhere in that happy middle
Where neither love nor hate reside,
But indifference, which I crave
The anonymity I need, alone
So I find myself known,
And yet unknown
And let alone

Empty Dreams And Fantasies

I'm so confused
I feel like the world's
Spinnin on without me
Outta the loop
Lost in the train of thought
On a circle of empty dreams and fantasies
Wishes that wishes would come true
And I stop there
Faced with a hundred million thoughts
Wondering as I look at the war zone I left
If my future will look just as dim
Its going to kill me someday I swear
My heart can't take the pain
Yet my soul absorbs it all
And as the circle comes to a close
The whistle blows one last time
As a wolf howls at the moon
Alone

Suicide Note

Here's to those who never believed in me
Do you believe?
Here's to those who called me names
I no longer have one
Here's to those who called me a failure
This time, I didn't fail
Here's to those who said they loved me
I never saw it
Here's to those who called themselves my friends
I wasn't worth it
Here's to those people that said I was great
You, were wrong
Here's to those who never wanted me here
You finally got your wish